Being a trans* person and wondering what your life would have been like if you had been born cisgender.
I’ve been having to avoid that line of thinking this semester because otherwise I’ll break down crying.
Noir Silence - On Jase De Toi
Parce que les personnes trans représentées dans le Canada français sont assez rares, voici Michelle Lambert, ancienne clavériste de Noir Silence. L’année dernière, elle a fait le tour des émissions talk-show du Québec afin de sensibiliser les gens par rapport aux personnes trans, et afin de parler de sa musique. Bien que je ne sois pas toujours d’accord avec elle (elle mentionne à quelques reprises qu’elle ne perçoit pas nécessairement les femmes trans comme femmes, mais plutôt “transexuelles”dans la section commentaires) , j’admire ce qu’elle fait en parlant de son cheminement atypique, et le fait qu’elle s’assume en tant que personne avec un genre et un sexe complexe. Son ouverture d’esprit quant à sa décision de garder le terme “papa”, et la façon dont elle s’exprime sont intéressantes.
C’est super important de se battre pour une représentation variée, et je suis content de voir que ça commence, d’accord où pas avec tout ce qu’elle dise.
Michelle Lambert, French trans woman, who is the lead singer of the above band Noir Silence.
I am not sure if I have run out of energy to care or my patience has grown, but I don’t care as much when people say things like,
“I’ll have an easier time calling you Oliver when you grow a beard.”
“You have to get a penis before I see you as a man.”
“I’ve seen you as [birth name] for twenty years, it will take me awhile.”
etc.
It takes conscious effort. Yes, it’s frustrating, yes, maybe you hate it but you need to respect my identity or we’re not going to be friends.
It takes hard work for me to be able to dine with you and be misgendered all the time. It takes hard work for me to be able to be polite with you when you avoid using any name with me at all. You lose a lot of trust with me when you refer to me as a girl, then as a gender-neutral thing,and refuse to correct yourself.
I know that in order for you to get used to me, Oliver the man, I need to spend time with you. I don’t know how to teach you otherwise.
Sure is fucking frustrating though.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I really appreciate that you want to spend my birthday with me and appreciate the invitations to dine with you. However, as you know, my birth name and ______ pronouns causes me a lot of pain and anguish. I do not think I could or should tolerate those things on my birthday. I do not want to. Not even slip-ups, which would happen if I were at your place, Dad, around ______’s family. Especially in that case, I think I would have to do Trans 101 and explain myself a lot to her family which is something I do not want to do on my birthday.
It made me very unhappy last year to have people sing the happy birthday song to me and not use my chosen name. Birthdays are very gendered experiences and that also affected me negatively (i.e. ‘birthday girl’ ‘birthday boy’). I know that perhaps, you Dad and _______, might make the effort to use _______ gendered language but slip-ups do happen and it would really be hurtful for me to hear that on such a celebratory day.
I thought about bringing a friend for moral support to these dinners but realized that most of my friends would be too outraged on my behalf to enjoy the party. Nor do I think that it is very nice to feel like I need to bring moral support to a family dinner. Even if, Mom, it’s a small dinner like what you suggested.
So, while I recognize and appreciate that you’re thinking of me on my birthday, I shall have to decline your invitations. I just want to make clear that I am sending you this email because I love and care about you both and want you to know what my needs are, which as you are my parents, I know you would want to know.
I would appreciate it if you called me to wish me well. Dad, please tell _______ that I wish he/she/hir a happy birthday.
Much love,
[insert your preferred name here]
~
Much love, luck, and success to you. My ask box is always open if you need or want support.
I’m going to talk about body dysphoria, being transsexual, and a bit about how I feel about my body. If you have heavy thoughts and feelings around any of those things, maybe you might not wanna read this.
I’ve had a stressful week striking and haven’t had time to acknowledge my body dysphoria. So I’m doing that now. I’m probably going to use words that talk around my body sometimes, because that is how I make sense of myself.
I was thinking about bottom surgeries and how members of my family want me to get jaw surgery. I don’t think I can make healthy, good, empowering decisions around these surgeries until I move out and don’t reside with birth family members anymore. That’s okay.
My endocrinologist and a psychologist I saw seem to think I need to make decisions about bottom surgeries right now / in the immediate future. The psychologist I saw (to get my second top surgery letter) was trying to push me to look up post-op pictures. I don’t really want to right now. That’s okay too.
My dad came into my bedroom to ask what I was doing and if I was getting up. I had a t-shirt on and no binder. I felt really self-conscious. I feel like even though he calls me Oliver now (which is great), he still perceives me as female. Not male. Maybe androgynous. I don’t know. Whatever he perceives me as, I don’t feel seen.
He left and I questioned myself on my decision to have top surgery. If society didn’t gender my body, would I still want to alter my chest? I thought about it. My body dysphoria is a real, visceral, thing that effects me strongly. It prevents me from exercising regularly. Sometimes it prevents me from accepting hugs from dear friends. When it gets really bad, it’s better that I don’t leave the house. Sometimes, I just need to curl up in bed and let the panic and heaviness overtake me.
[trigger warning for cissexist-ish thing]
I also was able to remove myself from my own emotions this morning when I asked myself,why wasn’t I born cis? And then I decided that that was a pretty silly line of questioning. I am who I am. I have a transsexual body. I have a queer body. I have a body&self that hasn’t really decided what how to describe his own gender yet. That’s okay too.
My birth family does not see me in a way that feels healthy for my body or state of mind. Even though by being and transitioning right in front of them, we are acknowledging my transsexuality, I often feel that there is still a pervasive oppressive sense of transphobia and cissexism in the households that I live in. That makes it hard to want to be ‘at home’. I accept myself for who I am but those immediately around me don’t. This makes it hard to really come into myself as a person.
That feels really fucked up in so many ways. I’m not sure I can articulate why right now. The absurd feeling that as an oppressed person, I can never really achieve my true potential, whatever the fuck that even means. I think that’s why I believe in the revolution so much—‘cause I know there is a better world out there somewhere and we have to fucking fight for it.
The premier issue of TransKind features an interview with Paige Elliot Phoenix.
The first issue of TransKind, a french e-zine for and by transmen, is out. You can find it here: http://transkind.wordpress.com/
Le premier numero de TransKind, un e-zine français fait par et pour les hommes trans, viens de paraitre. Vous pouvez le trouver a cette adresse: http://transkind.wordpress.com/
I have lost count of the amount of queer and trans* people who have told me that they want or have wanted to commit suicide.
Did this nasty badly designed banner get your attention? Are you an FtM/transmasculine/etc. person who’s low on cash? LOOK AT THIS POST.
OK SO I hang out on several sites (including Tumblr) where there’s a lot of FtM’s/transfolk. Especially in this poopy economy, we’re all short on cash right now. It BREAKS MY DARN HEART to see transfolk suffer mental breakdowns just because they can’t afford binders, packers, T, or whatever else they need to feel more at home in their bodies. I’ve been there, it’s awful, and I don’t want you to be there. So I’ve compiled links and a few other things to help you guys, PLEASE spread this around to anyone who you think would benefit from it, on or off of Tumblr. If you have things to add, let me know! I’d love to compile a list for MtF’s as well, but unfortunately that will take some more research for me as I’m much less informed in MtF goodies.
(a few of these things I’ve posted before, I just compiled them with some new stuff.)
NOT EVERYTHING LISTED BELOW IS FREE, but I’ve searched for the cheapest gear/services possible, if you know any CHEAPER ones, please reply, reblog or send me an Ask!
_____________________________________________________________
Binders:
As most of you know, Big Brother Used Binders is a wonderful place to go if you cannot afford one. They are NOT 100% FREE, they do require a $5-$8 shipping fee on donated Underworks binders as well as up to a $12 fee on non Underworks donated binders. This is still EXCEPTOINALLY CHEAPER than $40, $50 or $100+ that you could be spending on the same ones.
http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/BBUB.html
Some Underworks products are also available on Amazon and other sites for slightly cheaper than what’s on the actual Underworks site, which is already very well priced.
http://www.amazon.com/Underworks-Ultra-Cotton-Spandex-Compression/dp/B001KWHT42/ref=sr_1_cc_3?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1330505053&sr=1-3-catcorr
Also, when looking for binders, don’t restrict yourself to FtM gear. Men with gyneocamastia also have a lot of compression shirts to choose from, and, yes, there’s always cosplay gear. Even a one-size-too-small sports bra may work for some. Sports bras are definitely the cheapest option, but they won’t work for everyone, if you head over to Walmart/Kmart/whatever superstore to check out the sports bras, keep an eye out in the Active wear section for things like “waist trimming belts”, which are often very similar to binders but worn on the waist.
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Gynecomastia-Compression-Tank-Top-GC2-Flattens-Breast-/110505632785
http://www.amazon.com/Yasco-Adjustable-Waist-Trimmer-Black/dp/B005VRLT6Q/ref=pd_sbs_sg_1
HOWEVER, KEEP IN MIND THAT THESE ARE NOT MEANT FOR YOUR CHEST! Do NOT tighten these as much as you would a binder made for your chest, they often have less give, as in they won’t stretch when you breathe. If your dysphoria is really killing you, these are a good -temporary- solution that’s safer than medical tape like Ace bandages, they’ll do the job until you can get something more specialized. The only time I’d really recommend these is if you are a SMALL chested individual, someone who doesn’t need a ton of compression. Larger chested people should NOT use these, as you will need more compression to achieve the flat chest look, we don’t want any bruised ribs or decreased lung capacity here. And I shouldn’t have to say this, but, please don’t wear your binders to bed. Having breasts when you don’t identify with them isn’t fun, but you have to give your body a break.
And no matter how poor you are, please please please don’t use duct tape, Ace bandages, or any other type of medical bandage.
I made my own first binder in Junior High out of a piece of light canvas that I found in the garage, I’ve always had a small chest but it worked pretty well. I made a quick tutorial on how to make your own (velcro type anyway. You can also use a zipper, snaps, or lace up instead!), I don’t much recommend light canvas, as it didn’t stretch much, try to find a durable fabric with a decent amount of stretch. I know it’s tempting to get really rigid, non-stretchy fabric because you think it’ll bind better. Don’t. Using a fabric with no stretch will bind, but it’ll also keep you from breathing deep, and if it’s tight enough, hurt your ribs! Also don’t use fabric that’s TOO stretchy, it’ll be comfy but it won’t bind.
How to make a cheap simple binder:
http://postimage.org/image/8d4hv3j65/
One last note about this little tutorial; position the connecting pieces wherever you like them most. Some binders close in the middle, some on the back, my favorite is on the side, under the armpit. It’s out of the way and easy to reach, plus it’s least visible there. Wherever you want it to connect is going to effect where you put the straps, so keep that in mind.
Packing:
Basic packer harnesses, in 3 different sizes for UNDER $4, with free worldwide shipping.
S http://www.priceangels.com/NEOFAN-Sexy-Sling-T-Back-Men-s-Brief-Underwear-Size-S-White-s100945.html
M http://www.priceangels.com/NEOFAN-Sexy-Sling-T-Back-Men-s-Brief-Underwear-Size-M-White-s100946.html
L http://www.priceangels.com/NEOFAN-Sexy-Sling-T-Back-Men-s-Brief-Underwear-Size-L-White-s100947.html
www.edenfantasies.com is actually primarily a sex toy website (NSFW AND NOT FOR THOSE UNDER 18.), HOWEVER, they carry various regular packers, play packers and harnesses. If you go there, you’ll realize that they have pretty average prices. So what’s the big deal? You can potentially get -anything you want for free-. How? The EdenRewards program gets you points EVERY TIME YOU DO SOMETHING ON THE WEBSITE. Every search, every comment, every poll vote, every rating gets you money to spend on the site! You rack up points (1 point = 1 penny), and when you have enough for what you want, simply convert it to a giftcard and get your stuff. PLUS once you recieve your items, you can do written reviews on them TO EARN MORE POINTS. There is a transgender forum to hang out and talk in, you get MONEY FOR SPENDING ON A NEW PACKER JUST BY TALKING TO PEOPLE… OR TOYS. depends on what you want haha. But how amazing is that? Dedicate 15min a day to posting in the forums, rate a few products, and within a few weeks you could have yourself a new packer/pack and play/harness (they don’t currently carry binders) plus they carry feeldoes… yeap.
Example of how much you could earn in 15min-1hr a day:
Log in = 2 points
Comment on 7 different products = 21 points (you can comment anything, like “looks cool” or “no thanks” or a detailed description of why you like the color scheme haha)
Comment on 7 different profiles =21 points (you can comment things like “great reviews” or “cool icon”, easy stuff!)
Comment on 9 different reviews = 27 points (most people just say “thanks for the review!”, but you can always leave a nicer comment than that haha)
Rate 7 of those reviews = 21 points
Submit 5 searches = 25 points (you can search words, or even just letters to see what you get, it doesn’t have to come up with anything to get points)
Vote in 7 polls = 7 points
Make 10 posts in the forums = 50 points (any forum, you can post anything from detailed discussions to simply “ok lol”)
That’s $1.74 a day just for being active on the site. There’s also several ONE TIME points you can get for opening the account (it’s free), posting in your profile for the first time, verifying your email (which can be private), and subscribing to the newsletter. EVEN BETTER; doing GOOD reviews and getting positive votes will make your ranking go up, and when you hit a 5/10, you can request FREE PRODUCTS TO TEST OUT AND REVIEW. You have to start out with cheap stuff first (they have to approve you first), but the more reviews you do, the more points you’ll get, and the more expensive items you can request.
Hey, with the Mr. Limpy only being $13+shipping, you could save up for one in a few days if you were very active!
http://www.edenfantasys.com/sex-toys-for-gender-play/cock-packers/mr-limpy-extra-small
Also, they have the cutest harnesses I’ve ever seen
http://www.edenfantasys.com/rodeoh-harness/adult-toys-dvds-30997
Check out the EdenClassifieds section, once in a while someone will have a harness or packer for sale for super cheap! Unfortunately you can’t use your edenpoints on those.
One last thing, with every order on EdenFantasies they give a free gift! I remember there being a tote bag, toy cleaning wipes (which would work great for daily packer cleaning!), EF shirts, a vibrating cock ring (aka a new accessory for your feeldoe?), and SOMETIMES they carry small free sex toys that are discontinued, overstocked, or on a special deal. Now only if they’d carry binders! :0 Make sure the EF staff knows that there’s a big demand for them, they’re good at listening to what their customers want.
So get your packer from Eden with your points, and a harness from PriceAngels, there you have a packer and harness for under $5 plus a free cock ring/shirt/bag/wipes, and your binder from BBUB for $12 or less. How much do you love me now? I’m the FtM King of Frugality.
Other:
(Potentially) FREE TESTOSTERONE (Androgel)
http://xyxrebellion.tumblr.com/post/18088042938/free-t-for-usa-trans-guys
This doesn’t need any more explaining, just read Xyxrebellion’s post and see if you qualify :D Unfortunately this is only for guys in the USA.
Your height making you feel less like a man? Want a few extra inches to feel more confident? PriceAngels saves the day once again. Free worldwide shipping, and both sizes under $10.
Shoe lifts!
5cm shoe lifts:
http://www.priceangels.com/Height-Increase-5cm-Shoes-Insole-Inserts-Pads-s794345.html
2.5cm shoe lifts:
http://www.priceangels.com/Height-Increase-Insole-Inserts-Pads-for-Men-Women-s354410.html
Have a small chest? Enough to not bind much, but your nipples are… well, feminine? Keep those boys flat, without the use of a non-skin safe tape:
http://www.priceangels.com/Disposable-Flower-Patern-Breast-Nipple-10-Pcs—s99831.html
If I come up with more stuff, I’ll add to this. Please send it to anyone you think could find it useful!
this post is actually the most best, reblog reblog reblog.
bless this post
Signed, sealed, delivered. As someone who has a binder from the big brothers program, I can’t say enough good things about them. Hope this helps some of y’all. —Kir
A Trans Man’s Rant
Special thanks to Julia Jones for patiently filming this. Thanks to The Link newspaper for feeding me dinner.
The questions I have gotten from cisgender folks are particular to my experience as a white able-bodied queer transgender man. If I have said something that is oppressive and/or shitty, please let me know. This video is me repeating cissexist, invasive, rude questions I have received and politely addressing why they suck.
My column “That Transsexual Guy” and other writing for The Link newspaper can be found here: http://thelinknewspaper.ca/author/oliver-leon
so I have spent the past two days in the presence of an utterly swoon-worthy queer femme. she has been filming me ranting about all the rude, invasive questions that I get about my transition.
as soon as the video finishes uploading, you will be able to see my pretty face on your computer screen. are you excited?
