The Ink-Stained Queer

Feb. 5, 2012 at 8:15pm with 42 notes

ahem. attention cis people. this is what not to do.

So I was at a party last night and a cis person drunkenly misgendered me. I am not sure how, since I’m pretty consistently perceived as male now. Maybe because I had rolled up my sleeves, the shirt showed the outline of my binder more? Who knows. Gender cues are pretty impossible to figure out.

She apologized after I came out to her. Then she asked me a question.

“So are you trying to become fully male?”

I’m looking back at my reaction now and I’m a bit annoyed with myself for being so nice. I swallowed my anger and irritation and answered her question as pleasantly and patiently as I could.

“Well. Um. Uh. I guess? I’m just trying to be more happy.”

She nodded and still looked confused. I felt obligated to add, “Well, you know, the surgeries are dangerous. I haven’t decided yet.”

She gave me a surer nod.

This cis female was asking me, a stranger, about my genitals. As a transsexual person, this is a relatively regular occurrence. I know that it’s said that coming out becomes easier over time, but getting asked about my genitals is not something I plan on getting comfortable with.

Granted, coming out should not consist of invasive and rude questions.

Clearly to her, fully male = penis.

This is cissexist binary thinking. It is offensive. Do not ask me about my genitals, regardless of how much alcohol you or I have imbibed. I will lose respect for you if you ask me this question, even if we are already friends.

As a rule with all trans* people you will ever meet, don’t ask them about their genitals. If you are navigating potential sexy times, you may have this conversation. If you are not, this shouldn’t come up in discussion unless the trans* person themselves brings the subject up.